Male domestic violence

This may be my last post but I cannot confirm this at this time.

It is quite strange being empowered by the Queen to use various powers and procedures to achieve your role but at the same time enduring situations at home which you would not allow whilst on duty.

For those who have not guessed I am currently going slowly through the process of divorce. I have 2 daughters who I see what could best be described as infrequently but do get to speak to twice a week (they are approx 140 miles away now).

It is strange that you all too often get sent to deal with domestic disputes that involve...... well really nothing at all. He drank x amount and told me to do this or just the general situation where the 2 mutants you are dealing with lack the social skills to be able to deal with the everyday demands of normal life. Strange that you then go home to an environment where you find yourself in a similar position. I am not calling myself or my ex wife a mutant by the way.

How many times have you stood on the front doorstep with the key in your hand wondering what was going to greet you when you opened the door? All this after a 10 hour shift dealing with the great unwashed and their problems.
It is strange to walk into the house to find that the person you rely upon most heavily has done nothing but spend all her time on face book/bebo/twitter or any other communal website that you can think of. Especially when you learn that this person has been planning to leave you for some time and actually set up a date with someone on their Open University course in Blackpool. Someone has dared to post an unpleasant comment about your partner and all of a sudden you come home from a world of shit into another world of shit. In this job there is a popular saying which goes something along the lines of if home life is shit but work is good you can cope. If home life is good and work is shit you can cope as well. If both are shit well you are well F$*cked. It is true.

I will make no pretence of being perfect. I am probably the furthest example from perfect you could find. I used to drink too much (strangely enough don’t anymore), I smoke and used to long for time on my own without wife/kids demanding attention at midnight hence late night or early morning comments on various blogs.
I won’t go into the details about my relationship other than the walls bear numerous scars from temper fuelled outbursts from my former wife, I carry scars that would have (if officially crimed) led to her being placed through the courts. Coming home from nights at 7 A.M and having to wait up to get the kids to school or fed so that my “wife” could have a lie in (even when the kids had been asleep since 8 pm).....please. At the end of the day my oldest daughter (9) now has a secret message that allows me to tell if it is her or my ex who is texting me. No doubt that will go out the window shortly.
It is strange how people’s perspectives and attitudes change. Despite admitting that she was an abuser, now that she has moved away she now deems it necessary to find an alternative reason for the breakdown of our marriage. As per a late comment on my last post I am now accused of being adulterous. I wish, I am 40, fat and balding.
At the end of the day as a Police Officer I am willing to admit that I was subjected to domestic violence. I put up with it because I loved the person but one Thursday morning at about 8 A.M. whilst being attacked I nearly struck back. That was when I realised the end had come. No-one should be in an abusive relationship whether you are male or female. To be told after 13 years of marriage and 15 years of being with this person that they have been looking for an excuse to leave you is totally devastating. I would like to make it clear that the behaviour has totally turned off any feelings that I had and all I feel now is scorn and dislike.

The abusers always make up lies to cover their actions.

If this applies to any other male/female accept that it can happen to you. You allow it to because of love but is it really what you want?

This post is totally anonymous I hope, if it comes back to bite me in a court I will stand my ground. Suffice to say that I am no longer on the ground whilst in work.

All in all I will say that happiness after everything does come from the most unexpected places. Thank you, you know who you are.

Regards.

Why do I work again?

At this current moment in time I find myself shelving out huge sums of money to a solicitor to act on my behalf. (A civil matter not a criminal one by the way). Why?

If I changed uniform to a tracksuit or simply couldn't be bothered getting off Facebook or Bebo or whatever social network group that the state pays you money for Internet access, I would not have to pay such extortionate fees. Maybe I should get out of work and see where life takes me, perhaps not eh?

I see many such people who are "entitled" to free legal advice. Admittedly the system has been supposedly streamlined or "fast tracked" over the last few years but why do the life sucking dross that are the mainstay of many solicitors get it all for nothing?

I have worked solidly since I was 18. If I had remained in the RAF I would have retired on November 25th after 22 years service. Instead, I find myself with mounting legal costs and no easy way out.

Think into this what you will but a number of you will guess what it means.


Regards.

Life's changes.

I am still here in the background.

There have been dramatic changes in my life which are not something to air on the public forum.

Business shall be resumed once I can drag myself out of the doldrums.

Regards.

Oh my god!

For those of you that know me you will be aware that I have been going through an application process.

I found out today that after 5 months of selection processes I am unfortunatley suitable for the job.

I bloody well passed and am now looking forward to serious pastures new. Still a police officer but ............ providing I pass the course, not a real one anymore.

Thanks for all you messages of support.

Three weeks in.

The travesty of justice has officially been on the streets of Notgreatside for the last 3 weeks. I am a common or garden response officer and I have been out on the streets with a taser for that time.
It is a pain in the arse. Firstly they issued us with different belts to ensure that they couldn't be removed by offenders easily. Now depending on where I buy my clothes from I am either a 34 or 36 inch waist. I thought 36" just to be safe. Not sure who makes the belts but they obviously have different scales on their tape measures than the rest of us. Very last hole and that is a squeeze sometimes, no more fatty foods for me and no they can't issue me with another one yet as they have been specially ordered.
There is the rigmarole of being issued with a yellow piece of plastic and 3 cartridges, I handled firearms for 11 years whilst in the forces and am intimately familiar with load and unload drills and actually using weapons. I don't need someone who has never handled a weapon to tell me what to do. Weapon safety is drilled into me and has been since 1987. It is also a pain when you finish late not to have a duly "authorised" sergeant around to "unload" the taser, I have incurred overtime waiting to hand the bloody thing back!
It gets in the way when you get in the car, right where the seatbelt needs to go, just another piece of kit to fill my already full belt.

Does it work though........oh bloody hell yes. The scrotes notice it immediately, they are well used to the police and all the stuff normally carried. They pick up immediately on the bright yellow piece of plastic and not surprisingly ask "is that real". My stock answer is no it's a dummy just like you are for asking the question. I have only drawn it on one occassion and "red dotted" someone. It worked instantly stopping him in his tracks and avoiding yet another cocaine and alcohol fuelled fight which would have surely ensued. Incidentally, why do families always fight and argue at christenings, weddings etc?

In short and from an officer who is using one whilst not being part of a specialized team. It is a pain, more kit, procedure and writing. It has already in my experience stopped a situation dead in it's tracks and prevented a prolonged struggle. It is a deterrent and also a statement of purpose. It hasn't changed the way I work, my mouth is still my biggest tool and long may it remain so. What it does is provide another avenue of non-verbal communication which in my still limited experience has proved effective.

To all the people protesting against human rights issues what would you prefer? A subject who has momentarily been in fear of being tasered and calming down and not being injured or the police actually using force against him to achieve their aim and him suffering injuries. It is a double edged sword but it is helping in a small way to gain some sort of control in the area where I work.

I await the criticism.

Incidentally have completed all the stages for my application and am now on tenterhooks awaiting the outcome of the final interview.

Still here.

I am still here, thank you for your questions and concern but just seem to have bigger things on my mind at the mo'.

Regards.

Winging it.

It is not often that I find myself stuck in a situation where there is apparently no resolution. I found myself in such a situation on Sunday.

A bit of history, I was called two weeks ago to an establishment that assists people who have conditions that require some counselling in order for themselves to determine their route in life. I attended the establishment after one of their residents made a really good effort of hanging himself. He pulled the cord from the rear of his television and somehow using the window nearly completed the job. Fortunately staff intervened and his attempt was foiled.
He was assessed by the duty crisis team and once the effects of alcohol had worn off they deemed his demeanour to not be one of someone likely to harm himself.
His background, well his father committed suicide approximately two years ago once the onset of his condition started taking over his life. My subject, let’s call him X is twenty something years old and has also been diagnosed with the condition. His sister also has the condition but she has come to terms with it.
His condition is Huntington’s disease. I had heard of it previously but didn’t know what it was. X has seen his father deteriorate and take his own life. He knows the symptoms and the end result. He doesn’t want to end up like his dad but due to the hereditary nature of the disease he IS going to.
Anyway, Sunday, he receives a family visit which doesn’t go well. Following that he expresses his desire to end his life again and wants to go out. Staff have seen a pattern emerging in his behaviour. He talks about positive and negative things whilst sober, once he has had a drink he doesn’t talk but tries to take his own life. He has admitted that it is only after he has been drinking the suicide attempts start and last Sunday he wanted to go drinking. The staff don’t have the powers necessary to detain him but understandably they are doing everything they can not to let him go out. The situation escalates and the verbal arguments become verbal threats from X. The duty manager left with no options and fearing for the safety of X and his staff calls the police. He states that he wants the male detained under S.136.
A sceptical Constableconfused arrives and after a quick background from staff goes to speak to X. He finds X sitting in a chair smoking, very calm, very collected and talking a lot of sense. Definitely not a 136 case. He tells me all about his problems in a calm, controlled and informed matter and that he is a voluntary patient and as such wants to leave. When asked what his intentions are he tells me he is going to get drunk and try to kill himself for the reasons outlined above. His reasoning can’t be faulted; he is in control of himself and provides what is really quite a good reason for ending his life. He apologises to staff and to me for wasting our time but once again expresses his desire to leave and get drunk. I have no reason to detain him but now have a duty of care. If I let him walk and he does the deed how much poo will I be in. I manage to speak on the telephone to one of the CPN’s who last saw him on Friday and they state he is in no way mentally disturbed, confused about which life choice to take certainly but not in need of mental health care. He is starting to become irate now and once again offers violence if he is not allowed to leave. I then lock him up on the tenuous grounds of preventing a breach of the peace. That way he won’t be drinking anyway.
The trip to custody follows with me justifying the grounds for the arrest in my head all the way. I relate the circumstances to the custody sergeant who looks at me with some strange looks before authorising detention for a “BOP”. He knows me and my methods so will no doubt ask me for a full update once the “prisoner” goes for processing. I subsequently provide the full background to him and the Inspector who has now turned up and acknowledge that my arrest is probably unlawful but what else could I do? The Inspector sums it up nicely by saying yes it is unlawful and he may get paid a couple of thousand if he pursues the matter but I can’t be criticised for my actions. My actions I perceived were entirely in the best interests of X.
The next problem, how do we get out of this mess? He is clearly not a matter for the courts but also can’t languish in a cell for too long. The “home” is no longer interested stating that they will have no network available until 9 a.m. the next morning to progress this. It is just after 6 p.m. now so they are no help. In effect they have washed their hands of him for the night. I visit the crisis team in Notgreatside County Hospital who state that they are aware of X and believe that he will one day kill himself but he is undecided at the moment. Great help. I ask them for assistance but they say there is nothing they can do. Tick Tock goes the custody clock.
My mobile rings and it is custody stating that the male has been on the intercom apologising for his actions and asking if he can go back. He states that he is now at what he perceived to be rock bottom and sees the home as a much better option. He is seen by the FME and she spends over an hour talking with him. At the end she recommends he be released once she has a stern word with the home. This is duly done and X gets changed from his safety gown back into his normal clothes.
He is refused charge for the BOP and I take him back. On the way he is a different character, he has taken a shine to the doctor and asks which practice she is with. He talks about remaining in Notgreatside and resuming his college studies which were interrupted several years ago.
I drop him back at the home and hand him over to staff, as he entered he turned and looked at me nodding before jokingly (I hope) says “SAME TIME NEXT WEEK”? I drive away wondering what the hell has happened during the last few hours. My conclusion was that there are supposedly partner agencies everywhere that are there to assist during incidents such as these but at 6 p.m. on a Sunday night there really isn’t anyone. I winged it, playing it by ear. I was backed up by Sgt’s and the Inspector and also the FME. Between us we resolved a situation that we really had no part in but were the first to get called.
How many similar situations do you find yourselves in? The first port of call for many people even though we shouldn’t be.

By the way, did you know it is not an offence to commit suicide but if you try and fail, it then becomes one. Apparently!