Tuesday, 26 January 2010
Male domestic violence
This may be my last post but I cannot confirm this at this time.
It is quite strange being empowered by the Queen to use various powers and procedures to achieve your role but at the same time enduring situations at home which you would not allow whilst on duty.
For those who have not guessed I am currently going slowly through the process of divorce. I have 2 daughters who I see what could best be described as infrequently but do get to speak to twice a week (they are approx 140 miles away now).
It is strange that you all too often get sent to deal with domestic disputes that involve...... well really nothing at all. He drank x amount and told me to do this or just the general situation where the 2 mutants you are dealing with lack the social skills to be able to deal with the everyday demands of normal life. Strange that you then go home to an environment where you find yourself in a similar position. I am not calling myself or my ex wife a mutant by the way.
How many times have you stood on the front doorstep with the key in your hand wondering what was going to greet you when you opened the door? All this after a 10 hour shift dealing with the great unwashed and their problems.
It is strange to walk into the house to find that the person you rely upon most heavily has done nothing but spend all her time on face book/bebo/twitter or any other communal website that you can think of. Especially when you learn that this person has been planning to leave you for some time and actually set up a date with someone on their Open University course in Blackpool. Someone has dared to post an unpleasant comment about your partner and all of a sudden you come home from a world of shit into another world of shit. In this job there is a popular saying which goes something along the lines of if home life is shit but work is good you can cope. If home life is good and work is shit you can cope as well. If both are shit well you are well F$*cked. It is true.
I will make no pretence of being perfect. I am probably the furthest example from perfect you could find. I used to drink too much (strangely enough don’t anymore), I smoke and used to long for time on my own without wife/kids demanding attention at midnight hence late night or early morning comments on various blogs.
I won’t go into the details about my relationship other than the walls bear numerous scars from temper fuelled outbursts from my former wife, I carry scars that would have (if officially crimed) led to her being placed through the courts. Coming home from nights at 7 A.M and having to wait up to get the kids to school or fed so that my “wife” could have a lie in (even when the kids had been asleep since 8 pm).....please. At the end of the day my oldest daughter (9) now has a secret message that allows me to tell if it is her or my ex who is texting me. No doubt that will go out the window shortly.
It is strange how people’s perspectives and attitudes change. Despite admitting that she was an abuser, now that she has moved away she now deems it necessary to find an alternative reason for the breakdown of our marriage. As per a late comment on my last post I am now accused of being adulterous. I wish, I am 40, fat and balding.
At the end of the day as a Police Officer I am willing to admit that I was subjected to domestic violence. I put up with it because I loved the person but one Thursday morning at about 8 A.M. whilst being attacked I nearly struck back. That was when I realised the end had come. No-one should be in an abusive relationship whether you are male or female. To be told after 13 years of marriage and 15 years of being with this person that they have been looking for an excuse to leave you is totally devastating. I would like to make it clear that the behaviour has totally turned off any feelings that I had and all I feel now is scorn and dislike.
The abusers always make up lies to cover their actions.
If this applies to any other male/female accept that it can happen to you. You allow it to because of love but is it really what you want?
This post is totally anonymous I hope, if it comes back to bite me in a court I will stand my ground. Suffice to say that I am no longer on the ground whilst in work.
All in all I will say that happiness after everything does come from the most unexpected places. Thank you, you know who you are.