Monday, 18 May 2009

Application forms.

As you are aware from my previous posts and I apologise to non-police readers, I am currently doing an application to get away from the dross I have dealt with for the last 9 years.

Is completing the application itself a part of the selection process? I sometimes wonder why I haven't applied previously for vacancies and now am reminded why. The bloody application form. Firstly and the least trivial it is to be typed in Arial font 11, ok I can do that. They then give you 8 areas that you need to focus on and evidence. For my part these areas are:

1.Respect for race and diversity.
3.Community and customer focus.
4.Planning and organisation.
5.Personal responsibility.
6.Problem solving.
7.Effective communication.

This is the stuff I do everyday and never feel the need to big it up by telling everyone and his dog about it by putting it on a piece of paper and getting it signed by 3 people.

They then leave you to get on with it after providing something called a Job Description Questionnaire and an Integrated Competency Framework. They also usefully provide you with an aide to assist you in your application which basically tells you if you haven't got the skills don't apply. Incidentally the box on the page allows you approximately 700 words in the required font. That is not a lot.

The evidence to support your application must be contained with your E-PDR (Electronic-Personal Development Review) but that only went live from the 1st January 2009. Prior to that you got pieces of paper from people saying that you had done a good job etc. which you could add into your PDP (Personal Development Portfolio). This was a tangible document which was forwarded with your application. I used to get all these bits of paper, put them in my drop file and at the PDP time just get a big hole punch and stick them in it. A quick session on the computer for my PDP 1(?) and job done for another year. I was officially competent! Hooray.

I have a good number of pieces of paper I have acquired over the last 12 months which I now wish to use in my application. In order to do so I have to enter them as a PDP(S) and then scan them on. I also have to then do a PDP5 to evidence the information that is contained in the PDP(S) and e-mail it to about 6 people to get them to sign it off as real evidence. I feel a bit of a rant starting. Going for a cigarette outside.

Aahh, that's better.

Anyway this application has proved to be the biggest BA I have ever dealt with. Send me to worst hate crime you could ever imagine or worse but please don't allow me to ever fill in one of these bloody applications again.

Must go and type some more self aggrandising stuff again. I wouldn't mind, I'm not going for promotion or even trying to leave the country!


Dark Side said...

I am a pratical person not a theory person so like you I could do all those things but ask me to put it in writing or evidence it and I am bloody hopeless.

Fingers crossed you manage to dicifer it enough to apply and good luck with your application I am routing for you..xx

TWINING said...

You my friend are a total fruit cake but I like you.

Constable said...

Sgt T.

Been called many things during my years of uniformed service since 18 (11 of them in the RAF) but not that one.

Thank You (I think). Still no sugar, just milk.


TWINING said...

Oh no, if you are ex RAF you must have that dreaded moustache! Have you, have you? Pleased to meet your acquaintance. I have posted about the PBA.

Inspector Leviathan Hobbes said...

For Race & Diversity I wrote that I once inadvertently slept with a lady-boy in Bangkok. It was VERY dark in that strip club. Feel free to use my example, it got me promoted twice.


Good luck with it.

Constable said...


can you remember his/her name.... the way things are going I may well plagiarise you.


Dandelion said...

I feel your pain.

But..."This is the stuff I do everyday and never feel the need to big it up by telling everyone and his dog about it"...

Isn't that what blogging is?

Constable said...


to informally spread it about to people who wish to read it is one thing, hence the blog.

To formally try and justify your Raison d'être in order to further yourself in my opinion is wrong. The fact that the people who will do the paper-sift know me is a bit odd. They used to be bobbies once but promotion overtook them and they lost the desire to be the scourge of the wrong doers. That sounds dramatic I know but that is what happens. I don't make myself out to be a hero that can stop planets from smashing into other worlds here. Why do I have to do it in the fantasy land of applications?

Genuinely though Hun thank you for your thoughts.

Noddy said...

PeePee.... are you allowed to call CC.C a fruit? Fail for Section 1.

dickiebo said...
Come on, man. Show some initiative now!

Blue Eyes said...

All these questions are "arse covering" to make sure that only fair people get through. If you have survived nine years on response, your answers should surely write themselves?!

What about that time when the white racist lesbian started shouting at the black heterosexual woman. How did you resolve their differences fairly while ensuring that the needs of every community was taken into account?

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Oo, can I be your resident cripple for the diversity thing? Please, please!! I'll write you references an' everything! I've found referring to myself as a cripple is the quickest way of freaking out social services management, I reckon it probably works even quicker on senior police officers and I'm probably small enough to live in your completed application form thus removing the need to provide evidence in triplicate!
Bendy Girl

Sage said...

Like you I am filling out plenty of application forms and hoping like hell that someone sees the postive side of employing me.. but if worst comes to the worst I will take pretty much any job to bring in the dosh if it means I can live the dream of living in Cornwall...

So best of luck with your dreams, hope they come right for you.

Constable said...


are you able to be scanned? Maybe with a bit of hip dislocation going on at the same time?


Area Trace No Search said...

I feel your pain.

I have attempted to do this for my last couple of PDR's, in the vain hope that I can then copy and paste them for my up-coming application.

Unfortunately, my soul drains away everytime I start typing that nonsense, so my PDR quickly becomes a rehash of last years.


Good luck either way.

Hogday said...

CC.C, paste this into your application as your thesis on your broad views on diversity, fresh in from an old buddy. Guaranteed to get you an interview....with someone....probably from PSD

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
> 1. He called everyone brother
> 2. He liked Gospel
> 3. He didn't get a fair trial
> >
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
> 1. He went into His Father's business
> 2. He lived at home until he was 33
> 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
> 1. He talked with His hands
> 2. He had wine with His meals
> 3. He used olive oil
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
> 1. He never cut His hair
> 2. He walked around barefoot all the time
> 3. He started a new religion >
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was
> anAmerican Indian:
> 1. He was at peace with nature
> 2. He ate a lot of fish
> 3. He talked about the Great Spirit
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
> 1. He never got married.
> 2. He was always telling stories.
> 3. He loved green pastures.
> But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
> 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually
> no food
> 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who
> just didn't get it
> 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was
> still work to do

Vetnurse said...

Hey l worked out how to solve the white lesbian and black gay arguing... throw a tin of black paint on he white one and a tin of white paint on the black one

Do l get a pass now pleaseeeee!:-)

Anonymous said...

Hogday.....Some people, the high minded "serious" Christians could regard your comment as disrespectful, blasphemy even.
But I do find it rather funny and mostly true, apart from the theory that Jesus was Italian, or Irish. It was the last one, Jesus "was" a woman, that got me laughing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I aint "dead" yet!

But seriously now, the great soul of Jesus Christ is indeed in Heaven, but at this time, as foretold, Jesus did return. Only a small section of the great soul has reincarnated in human form. One is indeed a black man and the current leader of the free world. And the other section of the great soul of Jesus Christ, the Saviour? YES, was born a female!
And guess what....the men in "authority" just could not handle that....Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jesus by the way, was not and is not "God". Jesus is "next to" God, and an Archangel in earthly form, sent to deal with the Leader and Agents of the Dark Force.

Some of the religions got a few things "confused" in their books and in their practices.
The message was misunderstood 2000 and 50 years ago, and they damn well "shot" the messenger! So mean.

They are still at it now, misunderstanding stuff and not listening, nor believing the truth.
God does not "hate" gays, because true spiritual love between people is not a "sin". We are all born equal and loved by God our creator. God actually HATES BIGOTS and NUKES!....And wants them abolished forever, but are the men listening to the message? Er, not a lot, or they haven't done so far.

Some people have allowed their imaginations to run away with them regarding the second coming of Christ. They have expected Him to return, decending on a cloud from Heaven. A "cloud" of controversy, is the true reality, of the return of Christ the Saviour.

tag said...

GOD HATES BIGOTS and NUKES!I laughed so hard I think a little bit of wee came out.

Anonymous said...

So glad that the truth gave you that "feel good" factor Tag, even if it did cause a bit of "stress incontinence". Do they do Tener Lady for guys, assuming that you are a guy?

Anonymous said...