Perspective.

Just to put my life in perspective for the last two days I have done nothing heroic or mind blowingly exciting. My lovely wife gave me a lie-in on Monday (ta mate) and I got up about 10 am ish. From there a couple of coffees and shower etc.

Had to go and sort some bank stuff out, not exciting or anything. Errm that was it until school home time when it was snowing very heavily. We (me, wife and nearly two year old) collected oldest from school and got cold. Later we went to the supermarket and spent far too much. Then it was feed the kids, baths and them off to bed. A few cans with a takeaway and bed. Monday done.

Today, I got up with the kids and did the morning thing. Once oldest in school at nine, amuse the youngest whilst S did what I did yesterday.

I then had one of the worst experiences of my life that I have ever had. It started last week when I had to see a "specialist" appointed by my solicitor after I was involved in something in work, I may enlighten you at a later date when it is not recognisable by chance. I had a bad week prior to that and coupled with my insane fear of the medical profession I was somewhat stressed. The doctor saw me and promptly announced that he had concerns about my blood pressure and heart rate. He told me that I was definitely suffering from what I had initially been referred to him for and then told me to make an appointment at my own doctor and gave me a letter to give to him, sealed of course.

I duly went to my doctor today with an inner feeling that I was going to die. It had to do with the fact that I smoke too much. My alcohol consumption must surely be the underlying cause it was surely my kidneys closing down slowly thus my blood having to be pumped round at an even greater volume to compensate. For the last week I have probably been a nightmare to live with, my feelings of impending doom lying heavily on my shoulders.

The moment of truth dawned, there I was face to face with my nemesis, the doctor. He calmly opened the letter, I was in suspense, my heart felt like it was going to break out of my body and he was going to take my pulse soon. He then asked me how I felt at that moment. I told him I was literally crapping myself. I felt fine but something inside of me wasn't right. After apologising to him I also told him that I had a fear of doctors as when you visit them you can normally feel that something isn't right. On this occasion that wasn't the case. I was very anxious.

He then took my pulse, put the velcro thing on my arm and it inflated. This was it I told myself, I can do it, stop smoking (eventually) and stop drinking (gulp). What next, a visit to the hospital in the next week for further tests and their prognosis of my doom? He once again asked me what my level of anxiety was on a scale of 1-10 and I said about a 7/8. He then told me that my heart rate was 85/min and my BP was 140/90.............perfectly normal.

I couldn't believe it......What?Why?When How? I'm surely about to die aren't I? To which he replied, if you walk out of here and get knocked over by a bus then probably yes. He then said blood pressure and heartbeats, you can't live with them and can't live without them.

Hopefully I will be alive to post again.

Sorry, no police content in this one, a blog is meant to be about personal experiences and not just something that will gain comments. I will do my best not to be political in any future posts. Please chastise me if I ever do.