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This is just a short one.
Last night after a weekend of chaos I was sent at 11 pm to a job that made me angry from the minute I was asked to read log such and such. Suffice to say it involved young girl just in 2 figures and stepdad. It had spanned the space of 2 years and was staggeringly gross. I'm sure you are getting my drift. It is not the first instance of this I had come across but was certainly the worst.
Initial procedures done and all attempts and efforts to find the offender ensued. EVERY possible resource in our force and surrounding forces were used when other jobs allowed, the offender was by now aware that it had all come out. There were concerns for his safety, that he may try to do himself in now that his life had effectively been ruined. I personally didn't give a shit about him and his safety but if he takes the easy way out after all this without the issue being resolved, what is it going to do to the victim who at her tender age blames herself for what has happened? How she can blame herself for someone abusing his position of trust is hard to understand but it is often the case.
I'll be honest, I was in 2 minds. One part of me wanted so desperately to find him that in the space of 6 or so hours I drove over 230 miles checking all the secluded beauty spots and parking areas trying to find him and his car but with no success. Naive I know but on this occasion it was appropriate and fully approved by my boss. The other part of me didn't want to find him. It wanted someone else who hadn't had the time with the victim to find him. That way there would be no personal feelings other than knowing he was wanted for the offence. I would have acted properly but there would have been a cauldron of inappropriate feelings welling up inside me whilst dealing with him, but had he been aggressive or resistant............ you know.
I was still angry when I got home and despite all other problems Mrs CC listened and said nothing. It must be said that sleep and liquid refreshment has helped put the matter to rest now.
Regards.
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15 comments:
A good friend of mine worked in the Child Protection Unit for a long time and I never knew how he could look at video after video of totally unmentionable goings on so I can completely understand how I would have reacted also......there is just no excuse for that type of behavior ever.....arghhhhh..
Love to Mrs CC..x
Hello, Mrs CC here.
I just want to know if there is any training out there for the wives? This was a horrendous job, one of the worst in many years. I didnt quite know what to do or say. My heart goes out to thos poor child and her Mum, I hope they receive the best care to help them move on from this terrible time. Thank goodness this child had the courage to talk.
I also want to thank people for their kind wishes when we were going through our scare. All appears to be ok and Mr CC wont have to get the life insurance out just yet ;-) xx
Dear Mrs CC, I'm not quite sure how much help this will be, but if you talk to your local Victim Support branch they offer that sort of training to their volunteers. While it isn't specifically for partners of professionals, it might be the sort of thing you are looking for.
You might also consider maybe talking to the NSPCC, as they might be able to help or point you in the right direction of someone who can.
Not sure if that's of any use or the sort of thing you are after, but I hope it's of some good!
Anyway, one of my lecturers used to work in Child Protection and he doesn't really talk about it but when he does mention it he gets a very peculiar, distant look in his eyes.
People who can work in those sort of environments, dealing with some of the most horrible things that people can do, I salute you and I'm glad everything worked out okay in the end!
Take care!
I'm glad to read that all is okay for Mrs CC. Being scared isn't a very nice place to be in. Prayers were obviously answered. Good news!
I know, from personal experiences of being scared of people who seriously "crossed the line" when I was in "single figures", a VERY long time ago. Being scared is horrible - not that I'm suggesting that Mr CC has in some way abused Mrs CC, so please don't get me wrong about the comment about being scared. But fear is fear, no matter who or what causes it. Mr CC is obviously a kind and caring soul who loves his wife and wouldn't harm her. Lucky lady.
However, men who abuse kids are Bastards, cunning, devious, lying, selfish and callous animals, with no regard for anyone but themselves and their own perverted gratification. They just use and manipulate, and somehow manage to place the blame upon their victims, by making them feel guilty for what has taken place.
One of the first things that they often do, is to create a smokescreen deception, by giving the victim a "bad girl/boy" label. They do this to undermine the victim's confidence and to distract any adult s/he may pluck up the courage to tell about the abuse. They hope that the victim will not be believed, especially if the abuser just happens to be in a position of authority and is a respected member of society.
They can also be masters at manipulation and playing upon a child's tender hearted feelings, especially if there is a close family relationship. That can tear a child apart inside. Ignorance on the part of other family members, who may even blame the victim for "causing trouble", will certainly result in the victim feeling guilty and very unhappy.
An abuser will often scare a child to the very core, with threats to kill them and/or loved family members, IF they ever tell what has gone on. Again, terrible feelings of guilt and anxiety will result from getting to the stage where one cannot stand the abuse any longer, and the victim tells.
A child will go through mental torment, hating the abuse and the abuser, and terrified that to escape it, s/he may well cause her own mother's death by telling. There is also the terrible fear that by telling, the abuser will come after her/him and kill them, as they had repeatedly threatened to do, to keep the victim silent.
BASTARDS. Please excuse my language Mr CC. I get angry when I think about what "they" do to kids.
Some abusers, who "share" a victim enjoy humiliating them by the things that they say. They mock and ridicule them and state as some sort of justification for what they are subjecting the victim to...Look s/he ENJOYS IT. Which no doubt they also say to the police in the event of being arrested for child sex abuse. A victim will often be given alcohol and/or drugs to make them relaxed and compliant, with the added threat of "look as if you are enjoying yourself or we will kill you/your mother/whoever. Bastards.
That is how kids can be made to feel guilty, and there are other ways, which thankfully are really very rare. And that is when the highly organised perverts use the press and medical records to shift the blame for their crimes, onto a victim. When they do that, it just adds insult to injury for the victim, because the support that would normally be shown to a victim of serious sexual abuse, is withheld by a judgemental system and the public. HELL ON EARTH.
No one to turn to for help, except the only source of true solace there is...the Lord God Almighty.
I can understand Mr CC feeling angry towards the man who "crossed the line". Many years later, as an adult I had the misfortune to fall in love with a rogue, who kept flirting with my teenage daughter whilst I was pregnant with his baby. What he said to her and to myself was disgusting, so I will not repeat it here. But he received "words of advice" from myself, [unofficially] which involved "carving knife" and "chopped off".... if he ever laid one finger on her.
It worked, because I scared the crap out of him! In fact, he got such a lecture from myself, pointing out that he was well out of order, and that I would have him in court, no messing, if he ever touched her, that it brought him to his senses. He never did touch her or any other underage girl, and that was over 20 years ago.
That incident, plus flashback memories to incidents of abuse in my own childhood, were the motivation and inspiration for writing THE LETTER that kick started the child protection system we now have. I have ranted before on other blogs about this, and how it was hijacked by one of the abusers from my childhood, and that he corrupted the system to oppress mothers....so I won't go on about it here, too much. The animal who claimed the credit for MY idea to protect kids, abused me, smeared my name, raped and beat to death my sister, and many others over a period of decades. He certainly "crossed a line" by maliciously blaming me in some way for the abuse he and his pervert "friends" inflicted upon many kids. Chris Jons had the first pop at him in the 90's, to try to bring him down. R.I.P Chris.
The saga of my ordeal in childhood, and that of numerous others, and the issue of MY hijacked Child Protection System, has been swept under the carpet by the government. The situation remains unacknowledged by my local farce.....and I believe one has to have a "crime number" to get support and assistance from Victim Support......
But at least NO child will suffer in the future, like I did, and some of my amazing friends.
And that makes it all worthwhile, even if this government are mean spirited towards me.
M.T.M
When l was about 10/11 a friend of mine told me what her parents did to her and the other 2 kids.
She showed me her fathers pvt collection of photos, very well hidden.
None included her her younger brother or younger sister but she was very graphic verbally and listening to her l was in no doubt that they were used.
What stuck in my mind was her saying young sister (about 3) was only occasionally used as he didn't want her overused. Her brother (about7) was also actively involved.
She was matter of fact about it and both parents were involved.
I did not say anything till l was adult. He father was very well known and back in those days who the hell would believe a child? And even then l wouldn't have known who to say anything to or what.
I often wonder what happened to the family did the 3 young kids turn into images of their parents to be vilified as adults. I really hope not but when l hear about such as what happened here l remember the young innocent kids and l get so sad wondering.
So glad that Mrs CC is well - that's good news indeed.
Mrs Stressed used to work in that "field" and the cases are horrible to hear.Especially surprised how few made it to disposal and court. She used to have counselling sessions I think once a year as part of the role.
Strange how we harden our hearts to get the evidence. It's not easy, that's for sure. It's a job I could not do. Massive workload as well.
Dear Mrs CC, my Mrs HD worked that unit. I can tell you that we shared a few tears before bedtime - most of them rage and frustration at how these diseases were on a `revolving door` system of justice, allowing them freedom to do it all over again.
Don't try to make sense of it, because the actions cannot be rationalised by a rational person. Your reaction was normal, it was the incident that was abnormal.
Mrs C C, so glad to hear your o.k.
This post was horrendous to read let alone be the one to go and deal with it.
I'm not sure how you should handle these cases, it just makes you feel sick, doesn't it?
Dark Side,
if you till use your g-mail account check it out, I have updated you via that instead of cluttering up my stuff with answers. Don't want you to think I have been rude.
Regards.
Vetnurse told a story about sexual abuse suffered by her friend and her siblings in childhood, at the hands of their parents. That must be truly awful because there would be no escape from them until the beans were spilled to responsible professionals who could help them.
Just to avoid any misunderstanding over my comment posted on the 7th April, about my experiences of abuse in childhood. It was not my parents who inflicted sexual abuse upon me. It was a so called "friend" of my dad, who was trusted by them. He was my godfather, and also a copper.
M.T.M
Dear Mrs CC,
Fellow wife here (or as good as). If somebody could come up with a training course on how to deal with your upset, distressed, frustrated, angry, stroppy, exhausted PC that actually worked then I’d sign up straight away! Seriously though, having someone sympathetic to come home to who will listen to you and empathise with how you’re feeling after a job like this is really important. I don’t think that there is anything that you could say or do that would make everything alright but Mr CC must have found it a relief to have some kind of outlet for his distress and frustration. The blog must help here as well. I don’t think that it is at all healthy to bottle things like this up, nor should you expect to be able to just switch off and forget about it. I also thought, after a case like this, that it would be good to look into the work of charities like Barnardo’s or the NSPCC to see what work they do re: child abuse and ways that you can support them.
The police and other emergency services have to deal with terribly distressing cases all the time but it often seems like the vast majority of people in this country do not appreciate this at all. Now that this girl has told somebody what was happening and the police are involved then hopefully this man will get what’s coming to him (and don’t forget these people are not exactly ‘popular’ with the rest of the prison population). We all rely on the police and the courts to get these people off the streets so that they can’t carry on committing these monstrous acts and Mr CC and his colleagues should be able to take pride in the work that they do in such cases.
Best wishes,
ST
Quick update, Mr "dad" handed himself in subsequently and after full cough and admission of guilt was charged and is remanded at her majesty's pleasure.
The rebuilding begins for those left behind.
Regards.
To be quite blunt about it C.C. I think that it is difficult to "rebuild" a life shattered by sexual, physical and psychological abuse. The damage has been done and no matter how much help and "therapy" one gets, there is an ever present inner scar, or in some cases a wound, a hurt that has not healed. Time it is said, is a great healer and it is true that the pain of bad experiences becomes less raw as the years go by. But when there has been no proper closure on horrendous abuse in one's childhood, the wound has not been allowed to heal. That person finds it difficult to move on and "get over it" as best they can.
Vetnurse made a comment about how she wondered if her childhood friend and her siblings had become "images of their parents, to be vilified as adults". Her "wondering" whether those child victims became paedophiles themselves, as adults, is one of the most insulting and hurtful things to come up against, as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
Somehow, somewhere in the system, people appear to be condemming victims of childhood abuse, as "probably" guilty adults, simply because of the trauma they experienced as children. There appears to be some sort of negative expectation, particularly from medical and social services employees, that because someone had a bad experience of sexual/physical abuse as a child, that they too will "probably" repeat early experiences and turn into a monster who harms children.
I think this may have evolved from certain high profile cases where paedophiles have "justified" or excused their bad behaviour and actions, by saying, Ah well, I was sexually and/or physically abused when I was a child. The "system" in the 90's then began to place a very negative expectation, guilty until PROVEN to be innocent, upon ALL survivors of childhood abuse.
They really do need to rethink that policy and attitude, because not ALL victims of horrendous abuse in childhood go on to become monsters who harm children. The very fact that the health and social workers view adult victims of sexual abuse as "potential abusers" of children, is very insulting and lacking in basic respect for those victims. Abuse makes people a bit sensitive, and they do pick up on the negative vibe of being "under suspicion" of being a potential abuser, only because they were a victim in their childhood. And no other reason, but speculation and a tick box culture of "profilling", devoid of the facts about people.
It's appalling and very hurtful to realise that those in the so called "caring professions" are in fact thinking the worst of one, at the time survivors are feeling their most vulnerable, because of flashback memories to childhood trauma. Or because the burden of bottled up memories of childhood distress come spilling out in some sort of distressing tearful breakdown.
From a female point of view, having suffered the pain and humiliation of abuse in childhood, it put fire in my belly to do something about it, so that others would not have to suffer like I and many others did. It also made me very determined to protect my kids from abusive men.
It was my letter that kick started the Child Protection System. But I am NOT entirely happy with what they have done with the idea, because they have in fact snatched kids from good parents and allowed others to be harmed. Social workers who will not allow kids to be raised by grandparents and other family members, and then give them to a gay couple to adopt, need their backsides kicked.
These days, because THE LINE HAS BEEN CROSSED, by government, in this Alice in Wonderland system, ANY mother who has a bout of post natal depression, is in danger of having her child snatched from her by interfering social workers.... Some of whom allow other kids to die after months of known physical abuse taking place. I despair, I really do, because of the mess they have made of it.
The original concept for the Child Protection system was NEVER meant to oppress parents, nor undermine parental authority. What WAS intended was a safety net system to help children who were being abused, especially sexual abuse at the hands of men, particularly in positions of power and authority.
I should have called the idea....
A FAMILY PROTECTION SYSTEM. Because sometimes mothers are too intimidated and frightened to speak out to protect their kids. Or find it very heart wrenching and difficult, because they have a loving relationship with the male abuser, or kids by him as in a second marriage.
Not all victims of childhood sexual abuse go on to repeat that pattern when they become adults.
Some grow up HATING vile paedophiles with a vengeance. Well this one did, and I doubt very much that I am alone on that one.
M.T.M.
MTM,
exactly one week ago I was doing my utmost to find the abuser. Every possible means was being used. In the end he was found about 200 yards from a police station pondering how to give himself up, I have no sympathy for him and am secretly glad it wasn't me who found him.
I saw a gorgeous intelligent bright and vibrant little girl at the family home who is not much older than my eldest. She was oh shit the last person who I would ever expected to be deaing with in a matter such as this. Naieve of me who knows?
One point that really struck me was actually when the mum said that she was no longer married anymore after what had happened.I can't go into too much detail as it is still "live" and I don't want to get in the shit.
Rebuilding........don't know but I have high hopes for this one after seeing some.
I am not an abuser of my position and will never be. My family are too important to me.
Regards.
Dear Constable Confused
I am sure that you did do your very best on that case. I too hope that the little girl bounces back and puts it all behind her, having received the very best care on offer. That at least is an improvement in a difficult situation, that can be credited to the Child Protection System.
My honest, and exactly how I feel comment above, was not a critical appraisal of you personally. I was not having a go at you. Just getting something off my chest, as you no doubt do with your wife. I have no one to "listen" to my stress release about a difficult job, because certain corrupt powers have totally sabotaged my life, and my family relationships.
My family too are important to me, but the job I undertook to do, for the greater good of others, has resulted in great personal sacrifices, and that includes the LOSS of my family, because of a very unfair set of adverse circumstances. And it has to be said, some people have looked out for their own selfish best interests, and NOT my back, as promised at the very start of the job. Shame really. On them.
M.T.M
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